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Protocol · Four weeks · Print on A4

The Bun Withdrawal Protocol

Twenty-eight days. Two check-ins a day. Most attempts do not fail at the bakery. They fail because nobody remembered to check in. Put this sheet on the bread bin.

Readiness score
  • I have read the ten reasons.
  • I can name at least three bun species.
  • I know where my nearest bakery is, and I will walk past it.
  • I own a bread bin, or a surface that could be one.
  • I am prepared to decline a slider in public.

Score 5/5: proceed. Anything else: proceed anyway.

How it works
  1. Morning. Tick the first box: no buns yet.
  2. Evening. Tick the second box: still none.
  3. Every Sunday. Read next week's hazard. Prepare accordingly.
  4. Day 28. Certify yourself. Then continue. There is no day 29. Every day is day 29.
WEEK 1
The smell
Bakeries pump it into the street. This is deliberate (Reason 09). Cross the road.
D1
D2
D3
D4
D5
D6
D7
WEEK 2
Social pressure
Party platters. Sliders, never alone. Decline the plural, then the singular.
D8
D9
D10
D11
D12
D13
D14
WEEK 3
Seasonal hazards
Hot cross buns. In Norway, fastelavn. Do not think of the song.
D15
D16
D17
D18
D19
D20
D21
WEEK 4
Identity
You are no longer someone who is avoiding buns. You are someone who has no buns.
D22
D23
D24
D25
D26
D27
D28
Relapse plan
  • If you ate a bun: remove the top half retroactively.
  • Leave the box empty. Do not tick it in pencil. We will know.
  • Resume tomorrow. The count does not restart. The bun does not get that satisfaction.
  • Do not tell the croissant.
Put this sheet on the bread bin.

Forgetting is how this fails. Not hunger. Not the smell. Forgetting. A sheet you cannot avoid seeing is a check-in you cannot avoid making.

Day 28 done? Certify yourself →  ·  Need to know what you are avoiding? The Field Guide →

nobuns.com/withdrawalDay 28 → nobuns.com/certificate